I think once you’ve found something you truly love and you’ve decided it’s worth your time & energy, you have to prepare yourself for the tougher times. Love will always be tested, whether it’s in a relationship, career, hobby, etc. Once the “honeymoon phase” passes, there’ll be times when it’s harder to just do the things that you didn’t ever have to think about before.

Feelings change. It’s part of our nature. Love ages and then we don’t always know how to respond. Most people fall out of love once the newness of it fades. Then there are those who stay in love because they understand commitment, and they value it almost as much as love.

The tricky thing about committing to something is that it can feel like you’ve settled. But there’s a big difference. Basketball players are less likely to make a jump shot if they’ve settled for it. They’re more likely to make it if they commit to it. Relationships last when both people have committed, not when one of them has settled. It’s a subtle attitude shift that makes a huge difference in what we ultimately do.

I challenge you to come up with a scenario where this is not true.

I don’t know exactly what you mean about this whole "losing yourself" business. Before getting married, I used to harbor the same fear, but always failed to articulate exactly what I meant…perhaps because I didn’t really understand or know what I even meant. So what do you, Genevieve, mean?

people are interesting, aren’t they?

yes. completely. as much as you overcompensate, there’s only so much control you have in the situation. though i was a communication major, two things ive learned which may go against what ive learned in school are

1) that the powers of persuasion only go so far… there are so many more factors in it such as timing, openness to acceptance, etc. that though you may be playing your cards right, you still have to be sensitive to these factors and be comfortable relinquishing your mental control over them

2) most things are best communicated with the act of not doing/saying anything…. allowing room for the other person to meet you in the middle. giving that person the respect and time to realize your value without having to convince them

ian. i love you. meet me in the middle. baby.

Erika, I’ve heard stories of people who met the love of their life and the other person didn’t feel the same way, but eventually they came around. I guess, if you feel that a person deserves that, you can stick around as long as you’re willing. I’d just pay attention to how they treat you during the one-sidedness. If they take advantage of you or aren’t honest with you, that should be a dealbreaker.

I know people aren’t usually that sure or serious about a person. But for both scenarios, I still say you should go to the middle. Give more than you get, but not indefinitely. And again, pay attention to how they treat you. Be honest, letting them know how you feel. But don’t push them. Don’t expect to drag them to the middle. They have to be willing, and you can’t make someone willing directly. You can do it indirectly by hitting all the right notes, by playing all your cards right. But don’t expect people to change cause they usually don’t.

The right people will appreciate your mature approach, and will respond in kind.

this hit home. thanks for your insight on liiiife, ian. this is just what i needed. <3

so what are your thoughts on overcompensating in order to make the other person realize? is that not my job? (all hypothetical btw) is overcompensation not a good way for the other person to realize what/who they have? sometimes i feel one party has to bear the bulk of the work in order for the other person to even realize there is a middle to meet in. ideally it shouldnt happen that way but there are a lot of oblivious people in this world.

I love your insight on relationships. Very practical and eye-opening.

Thank you,